I’m not sure when I first heard the saying “you can’t help people who don’t want to be helped” but I remember it making a huge impact on my approach to life.
Still, it wasn’t until last week in therapy that I came to terms with the fact that I spend too much time trying to save other people - yes, even those who don’t want to be helped.
Let’s make one thing clear: helping people is a good thing. The problem is when helping/worrying about others interferes with our personal well-being and as my therapist pointed out, this is what’s been happening to me.
After doing some more research, I began to identify with traits of having a savior complex. “Savior complex occurs when individuals feel good about themselves only when helping someone, believe their job or purpose is to help those around them, and sacrifice their own interests and well-being in the effort to aid another.”
Savior complex can show up as:
- Wanting to always help or “save” your friends, relatives and romantic partners
- Having all the “right” answers or thinking you know what’s best for everyone
- Doing the absolute most in your relationships
Sounds exhausting, right?
Do you have a friend or relative with a savior complex? Is it possible that you’re the friend?🧏🏾♀️
If you’re like me and you are the friend, this can lead to serious burnout. The emotional labor involved with trying to help or save everyone can be very taxing. The worst part is that having a savior complex can be a sign that you struggle with or avoid dealing with your own issues.
I began to think about what my life could look like if I didn’t always have to be the problem solver in my relationships, career, etc. Although the thoughts make me super uncomfortable, I already feel a huge weight off my shoulders - and I’m sure my loved ones do too.
If you have a friend or relative with a savior complex, don't be afraid to call them out on their (our) nonsense. And as always, if you need help navigating complex mental health issues, we recommend seeking help from a professional.
