When my friends and family used to tell me they suffered from anxiety, I never really knew what they meant.
To be honest, I didn't "get it" until the pandemic hit. I explained the feelings I was having to my therapist, and she was able to help me identify and label them as anxiety.
I'd love to say that was the end of my experience with it, but after a car accident last summer, I am triggered whenever I sit in the passenger seat. The fear of being in another accident is so overwhelming that I avoid riding in cars as much as possible.
Until yesterday, I thought that riding in cars was the only lingering trigger from the accident, but I realized that there was an even bigger one - running.
Like riding in cars, I've avoided running as much as possible since the accident. The fear of experiencing pain in my back and neck has sidelined me from an activity I (mostly 🤪) enjoy.
When someone asks me to go for a run, I can feel my heart beating through my chest. Then, I tense up and relive the initial pain after the crash.
"No, I'm still waiting to hear back from my doctor."
"No, I'm not strong enough to run yet."
"No, I can't run because I was in an accident."
While all of these statements are valid, the truth is, I was afraid to try again.
On Saturday, I was invited to Chasing Trail, a group run that meets Sunday mornings. I agreed to go but talked myself out of going - "I'm not ready for that."
When I woke up on Sunday morning, I couldn't stop thinking about going. I wanted to see my friends. I wanted to be outside. Would I regret this on Monday? Maybe, but I wanted to try.
And guess what? I did it. I ran my first 5K of the year on trails surrounded by people I love to run with. I couldn't have asked for a better morning.
I know that overcoming anxiety and intrusive thoughts about the accident won't always play out like this scenario. Still, I'm proud of the progress I made yesterday and look forward to getting to a point where I can lace up my Hokas without fear again.
