“The single most important thing [you can do] is to shift [your] internal stance from "I understand" to "Help me understand." Everything else follows from that. . . ." - Douglas Stone, Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most
Hiii ,
Towards then end of the year, I always think about my relationships and how I can make them better. One person I’ve been thinking about a lot is my older sister and how I wish we had a closer relationship.
After not talking for a little while, on Thanksgiving morning, she called to see if I had plans for the day. She asked if I would like to have dinner with her and her Father's family. As you can imagine, this moment was the highlight of the entire year for me.
Later that night, I learned my sister doesn't think to invite me to functions because I am "probably busy with friends, work, or something." I was stunted. Here I am thinking she just doesn't want to be bothered with her little sister but she thought I wouldn't fit her into my "busy life". We were not on the same page and it reminded me of the relationship renewal conversations I like to have with friends and why I need to have them with everyone I
love.
, I don't know how I drummed up the term, but a few years ago I was interested in assessing a few friendships that appeared a bit rocky. I proposed three questions:
What do you like about our friendship?
What don't you like?
How can I better support you?
Asking my friends these questions has been a truly enlightening experience and we equally agreed it was refreshing and needed. But the interaction with my sister told me that these conversations can be helpful to anyone in our lives like siblings, romantic partners, parents, etc.
Before the year ends, is there anyone you need to really check-in with but not sure where to start? Consider using the questions above or think about how you would approach the conversation. I hope the end result for you includes closer connections and/or letting go of thoughts that no longer serve you.
