Last week, Kiera shared an Instagram post about 2021 reflections, and one of the questions was: "What did 2021 teach you about yourself?"
Considering the year I had, it was a tricky question to answer. After closing on my house in July, I was in a car crash that turned my life upside down. The ripple effects have impacted EVERY part of my life - my career, friendships, physical health, and mental well-being.
What did I learn about myself? Well, a lot...
, you know that it's hard for me to be vulnerable. Still, I thought I should share a few lessons that I've learned about myself in hopes that it inspires you to reflect and do the same.
What I Learned About Myself This Year
I recognized my triggers. Rejection (real or perceived) from loved ones leads to emotional withdrawal (or explosions). When I feel betrayed, misled, or like a friend or family member is upset or disappointed with me, it's very overwhelming and my "fight or flight" response kicks in. It doesn't happen often, but I'm learning to recognize the triggers early
on. When I find myself losing control, I have to remove myself to avoid saying or doing things that hurt the people I love most.
I want to be a better listener. Last week, I told my therapist that I wanted to be a better listener. It's not that I'm bad at listening; it's just that my brain always wants to form a response or solution. Unfortunately, while this trait is great for work, it's not great for my friendships. Unless someone is seeking my advice or feedback, the best thing I can do is listen and provide a safe space for them to speak without judgment. Even if my
intentions are good, I can't offer advice to people who aren't asking for it.
I settled for less. I'm usually good at advocating for myself but this year, I ignored some red flags because I saw potential in situations that ultimately weren't good for me. So instead of viewing red flags as warning signs, I stuck it out. Obviously, "potential" is not worth sacrificing my happiness, wants, and needs. Moving forward, I'll practice putting my needs first and do a better job listening to my best friends when they recognize my blindspots.
In addition to the major lessons above, I also learned a few other things that don't require much of an explanation like:
- I really hate online dating.
- My value/self-worth is not defined by my work.
- It's hard to rebuild trust when it's lost but I'm always willing to try.
This exercise was very helpful for me and I look forward to carrying these lessons into the new year. Here are the full list of reflection questions.
